Grasping Grace

Q: What does apartment life look like? Was it difficult living with more people? If so, what were some problems that arose, and how did you girls address them in love and with graciousness? If not, what are some tips that you recommend? What are some things that you found you needed or “forgot” to bring?

A: This should be a fun question, I have to be careful since half my co-authors are my apartmentmates  Here’s a few thoughts that jump out:

First off- I LOVE my apartment, I cannot thank God enough for those girls who are some of my best friends.  HOWEVER!!  This does not mean that EVERY apartment needs to be BFFs or that everyone spends 5 hours every night talking into the wee hours of the morning.  Most of the time apartment life is very mundane in that we eat, sleep, clean, rejoice, cry, laugh, study, cook, and get in each others way at times together.  There are periods of time that we see each other A LOT and periods in which we don’t see each other for a few days in a row.  It’s strange because I can’t say enough, and yet I’m hesitant to say anything at all since it is so dependent on who you live with.

Is it more difficult with more people?  Yes, simply being that there are more preferences with more people.  For example, my family waits to wash dishes at certain times like after a meal while other girls were used to washing dishes right after using them; I had to change habits to my new living situation.  I’m sure there are a lot of other examples, some silly, some passive aggressive, etc.  but the verse I always keep in mind is Phil. 2:3 which says, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;”.  Also keep in mind that openly bringing up issues in humility is a way to sharpen one another and can clear up miscommunications. If you are consistently putting aside your own preferences and looking to serve one another and are slow to anger or assumption making, then you’ll find apartment life  much more enjoyable!

For practical tips on what to bring:
I suggest bringing only the essentials when you start off and then evaluate what you need over time.  This way you’ll avoid having 36 spoons like my apartment (although great for eating ice cream with!) or having more Tupperware than can fit on a shelf.  Some things you’ll need that we didn’t realize at first: ziplock bags, plastic wrap for food, cleaning supplies, and lighting for the living room.

Before my apartment moved in we made a Google spreadsheet with columns for each separate room with a list of items that we were planning to bring.  We color coded the items by person so we knew who was bringing what.  We also had questions to get to know each other like: allergies (Jenny is deathly allergic to mangos!), pet peeves (hair on the floor…), times that we usually sleep, as well as our likes or dislikes.

In short: die to yourself daily, be honest and never gossip about each other, make memories, pick up each others idiosyncrasies, and leave college more godly because of one another than when you first moved in!

I have to apologize, this post is LONG overdue!!  Midterms are finished and I’m back to say that we randomly pulled out Akane’s question- so a Phil Wickham CD is coming your way!  All the questions were really really good and thought- provoking, please be patient with us as we address those questions on a new Q&A page, which we’ll post up soon and let you know about.

Q:I struggle with balancing my time amongst different friends. I have friends at home I want to keep accountable, friends at GOC, friends made in class, etc. How do you keep friendships and allot your time amongst different people that God has placed in your life?

A: I wish I could say that there was an extra 24 hours for every relationship we want to cultivate or that we are able to have 50 friends and invest in each one consistently.  However, I believe the best model is Christ Himself:

“And when day came, He called His disciples to him and chose twelve of them…”
—Luke 6:13

Jesus’ specifically chose a relatively small number of men to intimately disciple and pour into and even among the twelve, He had closer relationships with only three.  This doesn’t mean that by choosing only a few others were excluded from knowing Him, because as we see Christ had many other followers and faithful believers.  He chose this method because a smaller group provided for more effective instruction and He later entrusts the church and His earthly Kingdom in the hands of these men after He left.  This also doesn’t mean Jesus neglected the masses, the crowds, and those who didn’t believe.  He also spent time to heal the sick, to eat with the tax collectors, to meet with a woman at a well, and hold children in His arms.

All of that to say: It is better to be purposeful with a few than to only enjoy small glimpses of 20 lives in the same week.  You’ll be more effective, more well rested, and more fruitful.  A “few” can be defined differently depending on each person’s capabilities.  And just like Christ, you’ll have to prioritize some relationships over others and decide how to distribute the rest of your time.

And now you ask: so how do I decide who to prioritize?  This is left up to your own discernment because whether you are investing in/equipping/encouraging another believer or seeking opportunities to show the love of Christ to an unbeliever you will ultimately be glorifying God either way!

To share from my own life: I choose to make the girls in my small group my first priority because if I can share my vision with them effectively, then I’ll be laboring with 8 other hands rather than my 2.  Then I spend time with other sisters in Christ either through occasional meet ups or even emails reminding them that I pray and care for them and want to know how they are doing.  And finally I spend time with those in my classes, friends from previous years, and friends from clubs and high school- what makes it easier is placing myself in activities that naturally bring us together like a major specific club.

And lastly, be comforted that even when you cannot know every detail of each of those peoples’ lives- God does!  He knows them, their thoughts, secrets, desires, longings, and He does not NEED us to bring others to Himself.

Q&A

Q: How do you discipline your time and balance your school work, ministry, relationships, clubs, etc?

A: I frequently get asked this question, and seeing as we have “the most free time we’ll ever have” now in college, it’s so important to use it wisely. Here are my tips:

1. It comes down to how I view time: as a precious gift from God to be faithful with to the best of my ability.  It’s a sobering thought that I will give an account to God for how I’ve used my time!

2. Choosing the things I value and setting aside time for them.  For example, I need about 7-8 hours of sleep a night to function properly the next day and to be prepared to take advantage of every opportunity.  So I plan ahead for all my school work and activities to make sure I won’t have to stay up late finishing an assignment or studying for a test. When I clearly know what I do want to do, it makes it easier to say no to other things.

3. Be practical and know your limits!  This will look different for everyone, but my all- time favorite way to keep on track is my Google calendar.  Shameless plug, but REALLY. SO HELPFUL.  Not only does it remind me of every commitment that I make, but at the end of the week it’s also a great tool to evaluate where I’ve spent my time.  If I’m feeling incredibly tired, I can look back, see why, and even think about changes for the next week.

However, all that aside LISTEN UP!!  What I remember most and take with me is advice from an older sister when I asked her the same question.  She said something along the lines of: God will always give you the time to do the things He has called you to do.  Those words have helped me flesh out what I truly have been given and to give each of those areas my FULL attention- not being rushed, distracted, or half-hearted.  And, of course, the number one thing He has given us to do is worship!

Run hard girls, it’s only week 3

“…Making the most of your time, because the days are evil.  So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” -–Eph. 5:16-17

***Comment with a question you’d like one of us to answer, it can be strictly Biblical, practical living, or even something you’d just like to know about us.  The commenter who posts the question we pick will receive Phil Wickham’s new CD “Response”!!!!! (soooo good!!)